Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Week 16: Never

“Never say  never.”  

I’m pretty sure most of us have either used or had this phrase tossed at us by a friend after swearing up and down that we’d NEVER do something again.  Sometimes, it’s okay to say “never say never”, because we never really do know what life will bring.  I know that in the past I swore up and down that while I had no problem walking for exercise, I’d never run.  A good friend tossed the phrase back at me almost immediately, and if you’ve been following this blog, you know that my friend was right.  I’m running, and in fact, I’ve got plans to do a whole lot more in the future.

So, most of the time I’m pretty comfortable with using that “never say never” line or having someone use it on me.  But recently I discovered that there are instances where it is not really appropriate, and maybe even hurtful.  It came up during a conversation with an acquaintance regarding my fitness journey.  At one point I made the comment that I couldn't believe how much better I felt overall, and that “I’m never going back to being that heavy and out of shape again!”

“Never say never,” came the response.

For a moment I was so astonished that I couldn’t even find speech.  And then I got angry.  I think this person sensed it because the topic was abruptly changed and I managed to go along for the ride without blowing up.  That was fine--I try to never really talk out something that has made me angry in the moment because I tend to say the wrong things, and sometimes I’m not even one hundred percent certain why I’m angry in the first place.  It’s better if I think it out and cool off before responding.  And honestly, this person is an acquaintance.  They don’t matter a lot in the grand scheme of my life, and I don’t see them all that often.  None the less, that person’s response bugged me for days, and it took me a while to figure out exactly why I was so angry.

First of all, I didn’t much like the implication that I was going to fail.  Perhaps this person didn’t mean it that way, but it certainly came off that way.  Perhaps for this person the response to my use of the word “never” was automatic, a reflexive regurgitation of the cliche response.  But I don’t think it excuses this person.  Flippantly implying a person is going to fail just for the sake of clever conversation is just mean-spirited, especially when that person is someone you barely know.  So, yeah, that aspect of it annoyed me quite a bit.

But I think the root of my anger came from the knowledge that my continued fitness success is actually riding on my ability and willingness to say “never”.   I am never going to go back to my old habits of eating nothing but highly processed foods.  I am never going to eat as much meat as I used to.  I am never going to stop exercising in some way, shape, or form.  As long as this body can move, I will walk, run, or even crawl if I have to.  

I never want to go back to being the person I was 10 months ago., because this journey has changed more than my weight and health.  It has helped me find an inner strength that I didn’t even realize I had, and I truly believe I’m a better person for it.  I don’t want to lose that.  Ever.  So I need to use the word “never” in this instance, because it helps me to understand that the changes I have made need to be permanent, and that for me there is no going back.


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