Yesterday I hit the proverbial wall in the midst of my training routine. My joints once again forced me to remember that I am human and that yes, I have limitations. I’ve been working through the pain pretty well, but yesterday when I made it home from the gym the first thing I did was take four ibuprofen and then I jumped into a hot shower. As I stood under the steaming water and let it work magic on the pain in my lower back and knees, I heard my inner voice ask “Are you sure you can do this running thing?”
And I didn’t know how to answer that doubting voice. I’d like to do this. I’d like to be able to run a marathon sometime in the future, as that was my goal when I started. I want it bad enough that the little roadblocks my body keeps tossing at me more often than not bring me to frustrated tears. I don’t want to give up on this dream. I feel like it’s the first worthwhile goal I’ve had in years, and I don’t want to quit. Not now, not ever.
But every time I have to work through the pain that voice of doubt comes back, and I have to argue it back into its box and tell it to shut up, that we can’t really know what the Future will bring. I tell it that all I care about is the Now, because that is all that matters at this point. I can run now, even if I have to work through pain to do it. And indeed, I can run longer today than I could even three weeks ago. Eight months ago I weighed 344 pounds and could barely walk around the block. Since then I’ve lost close to 90 pounds and I can easily walk over three miles in less than an hour.
So after looking back and seeing my progress, I think I’ll have an answer for that doubting voice the next time it escapes the box I keep it in. Yes, as of Now, I can do this, and that is all that really matters. One day at a time, and as I continue to make progress, I’m pretty sure the Future will take care of itself.
Your courage and strength and tenacity are amazing. That said, listening to your body is SO important. I hope you meet your goals in the time in which you intend to. However, even if a goal doesn't end up achieved as soon as we wish, it doesn't mean that goal isn't worth achieving or that we are any less of a person for having taken it at a slower pace than originally intended because our body told us it was what's best for us. I hope you DO meet your goals in the time in which you originally intended, but if not, remember that you are AMAZING! You are SO inspirational. You are strong and amazing and wonderful. And now I shall step off my soap box. Carry on. :-)
ReplyDeleteP.S. This was not in any way meant to mean I think you should quit or slow down or can't do it. You can do whatever you set your mind to. Just wanted to put out there that if you DO decide you need to slow down the pace a bit because YOU decide it's what's healthiest for your body at that point, there is no shame in that. It's not giving up; it's listening to your body and balancing that against your wants for forward progress in a healthy way. And you will STILL be awesome. And there sits my uneducated and purely person opinion. You're amazing. Rock on!
ReplyDeleteJust keep swimming! Just keep swimming!
ReplyDelete